Like Augustine

Augustine goes through a long period of searching for truth about himself, religion, and life in general. Most, if not all, people who have ever lived have gone through some degree of the same search that Augustine went through. I can relate to Augustine very well in this sense, because my last semester was a time of doubt and searching for truth. Like Augustine, I had known about God, Jesus, and Christianity since I was young. However, I differ from his story in that when I was about twelve, I began to actually live my life for God and not myself. I had grown spiritually from that time until the beginning of college, without questioning most of the things that I had learned about my faith.

Despite this long period of certainty, my religious studies class last semester sowed many seeds of doubt about the Bible and my own beliefs in me. I learned many realities and truths about the texts of the Bible, which contradicted my previous beliefs and thoughts. I was confused a lot of the time and did not know what to believe. I questioned myself about a lot of different aspects of my faith, yet my questions were not about the origin of evil like Augustine’s in Book VII or how God can make and exist in everything as seen in Book I. Instead they were more directed towards the authorship questions and issues of authenticity of the actual texts of the Bible. I am surprised that Augustine did not ask these same questions as well, because he was educated and had probably encountered some of the same problems that I had. Although Augustine’s more theological and conceptual problems with Christianity were different than mine, they still had the same consequences in that they instilled doubt in the two of us.

Yet I did not let these doubts overcome me, just as Augustine did not let his. Although he spent a significant part of his life living in lust and basically turning away from God, he endured through the struggles and eventually came back to God. Augustine and I were both able to say to God, “my heart clung firmly to the faith in Christ your Son, our Lord and Saviour” (Augustine 139). This time was difficult for me, and it affected my emotions and hindered my spiritual growth. I had “many questions on which my beliefs were still indefinite…yet my mind never relinquished the faith…” (Augustine 139). It was hard for both of us to do, but we kept strong and stayed with God in the end.

Some would say that the doubts that Augustine and I had were not beneficial to our relationships with God. I disagree, and I know that Augustine would also tell those people that they are wrong. Even though this period was difficult to get through, it made me a lot stronger. Now, I do not have to be afraid of scholastic criticism to my faith because I know that I will still believe what I believe. As for Augustine, he would not have written Confessions if it were not for his period of doubt in God. The purpose of Confessions is to tell his story of how he redirected his life from sin to God. Without his youthful time of sin, his testimony would not have been as convincing.