Saint Augustine’s Confessions, tracks his intellectual growth from a professor skilled in rhetoric to an embodiment of true Christian values. Like Augustine, I experienced similar growth beginning my junior year of high school. Although our circumstances differ, the underlying theme is the same; both Augustine’s and my own experience shed the light of truth upon a world covered by the darkness.
Just as Augustine’s transformation teaches him more about his character and spiritual growth, my experience taught me about the importance of being a well rounded individual. The start of my junior year in high school was when my transformation first took flight. My vision of myself was no longer blurred and I was able to clearly see the person that I wanted to become.
This transformation was ignited by significant intellectual growth. In years prior, I did not put very much effort into my school work. I was in the freshman slump, only that slump extended to the end of my sophomore year. At the start of my junior year my head was not in the right place; I was struggling with multiple aspects of my life and decided to take charge of the one thing I knew I could control, that being my studies. Aware of my unhealthy mind set, it came as no surprise when I made a complete reversal in my study habits. It would not be an exaggeration to say that my studies consumed me. As things began to fall into place, I started to realize that there was much more to life than school. Just as Augustine was liberated from a life of sin, I freed myself from my own control. Augustine explains in his Confessions, “The enemy held my will in his power and from it he had made a chain and shackled me...but the new will...had come to life in me and made me wish to serve you freely and enjoy you, my God...” (Augustine 164). This passage illustrates Augustine’s internal struggle between his will of the flesh and spirit, or, in other words, his own desires versus that of God. In this context God is Augustine’s compass, steering him away from his own selfish ambitions and into the right direction. Similarly, I was experiencing two extremes, that of a high school slacker and a studying fanatic. However, like Augustine, I was given wisdom; I realized that I no longer had to choose between my studies and having fun but that I could embrace more of a middle of the road approach.
This is quite possibly where Augustine’s and my own path diverge. Augustine realized that he could not fully dedicate himself to God without leaving his professional life behind him. He states, “Some of your servants, my brothers in the faith, may say that it was sinful of me to allow myself to occupy the chair of lies even for one hour now that my heart was fully given to your service” (Augustine 183). This quote demonstrates Augustine’s acquired belief that holding a prominent legal position was not compatible with his newfound religious lifestyle. Furthermore, Augustine’s intellectual transformation seems to have deterred him from his passion for practicing law. I, on the other hand, learned that one does not have to choose one or the other but can experience the best of both worlds. Although I am still working on riding myself of such rigorous study habits, I now realize the importance of living life to the absolute fullest.
Augustine’s experience and my own, although different, are similar in nature. Just as I amerced from a world of books and study guides, Augustine fled from the bonds of sin and entered a state of awareness and tranquility. My transformation, as well as that of Augustine, embodies the intellectual transformation one undergoes from the naiveness of childhood to the self awareness of adulthood.
Works Cited
Augustine, and R. S. Pine-Coffin. Confessions. Harmondsworth, Middlesex, England: Penguin, 1961. Print.
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